Today I was overwhelmed by sadness. I had always known this day would come but as the pace of time eluded my countdown I eventually lost trace of my anticipation.
I have withheld so many tears, stemming from my lasting grief, anguish and self hatred. Piling up tear drops into an ocean inside of me, hoping that the water may cleanse my inner self of the sorrow, hate and pain.
But I have come to realise my misled facade, as I was not cleansing myself. But rather providing water to irrigate seedlings of more devastating emotions that have grown to dwell within me.
Emotions I taught withholding my tears would suppress, but have rather broken loose causing me to lose the remains of my guarded sanity.
And now I know I must let go. To allow my eyeballs to drizzle into rain, as tears of mine flow down gently into aggression along my once dimple laden cheeks- for in a long time I have not smiled.
Though I must admit that in so doing I am frightened to the core that I may lose control of myself. For what if I tear up and find myself standing in a self created flood, unable to heal from this episode of sadness.
That instead of letting go of the cascade that has led to my sadness, my happiness rather drowns in a teary flood because I have become tethered to sorrow, pain and anger.
Or maybe I should unburden my poor fragile eyes and transport my feelings of sadness into limbo, denying myself the ability to feel or understand sympathy.
But if I should allow myself to journey down that road, then I may never again know why there are different shades of happiness.
My life has embraced too much sadness, not by will but by circumstantial default. And in all my years spent on God’s given earth I have prayed and hoped, optimistic that oneday my tears may be labelled tears of joy.
However, they say every cloud has a silver lining. So maybe my sadness is just a dictionary on its own, that I may understand the true meaning of happiness in the latter chapters of my life.
That may be true, though now if there is any cloud I want it’s not one with silver but rather a number. Take me to cloud 9!!!
Let my heart echo this exclamation into the emptiness I feel inside of me. That the echoes may bombard and bring down the walls of pain, sorrow and hate guarding the void within my soul.
I thought experience is the best teacher. And yet I have experienced sadness beyond its limits and I consider myself not its teacher.
Because I keep failing to graduate my emotions to giggles, smiles and laughter. Indeed, I am no teacher.
So with this trinity of sorrow, pain and self hate, it’s a triple threat of which I am scared will destroy me sooner than later.
For it’s as if my feelings are Frenchmen seeing ‘pain’ as bread; food to feed on to satisfy the needs of my sad self.
With hate being an anagram of heat, using its heat to slowly burn away my tranquillity so that I have no peace.
And my daily grief as though everyday is a funeral. Because that’s how I feel, dead inside; being buried alive.
Maybe I am simply broken. And all of this is me bleeding from the cuts of my broken self. I cannot even pretend to be an eccedentesiast. I guess I am broken beyond the assumed comfort of that luxury.
But after being overwhelmed by sadness, I have decided. I have decided to allow myself to shed tears.
To quench the thirst that has for long remained in my eyes. For like a human life on their own, they need this water to survive.
I cried, and it felt good. Relatively.
No better way to describe the bottled up emotions bro!
May we shed soothing tears more often!๐
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Indeed bro. Soothing tears.
Just to free ourselves from some emotional complications.
Thanks for reading and commenting ๐
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wonderful piece. Resonates with everyone who has ever cried. I loved it
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If it resonates with all then truly I have achieved my aim for this write-up.
Thanks for the support PJ๐
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Some day, some day we may become the teachers, best ones at that๐
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Honestly I pray we live up to that ’cause we all need to smile and laugh, feel happy.
Thanks for reading and commenting ๐
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Yes, you are only a writer of compassion, my friend. Believe this sixty year old when she tells you not one of us has been free of these dark nights of the soul.
I say to you it is the very strongest who cry.
Allow yourself to burn, and come up from the ashes, brother. Do not be afraid of your own beautiful depths.
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Truly it is the strong who cry. It takes quite a lot to let go of hurt and shed needed tears in order to move on.
Thanks a lot for your wisdom Ma. I really appreciate it!๐
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We appreciate you
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Excellent written, Joel
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Thanks a lot Leyla!
Glad you love the write-up๐
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Emotions are expressed so beautifully!!
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I’m happy you saw the beauty in this expression Deeksha. Means so much to me ๐
Thanks for reading and commenting!
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Very profound and beautifully written. Thank you for posting this here.
It has certainly been a long time, how’re you sir? ๐
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I’m honoured by your compliment, Niharika. Glad you enjoyed the write-up.
And yes, it’s been long. I was kinda occupied with school. Being a pharm d student is not so easy ๐ .
I’m doing good though. Thanks for asking.
Hope you’re doing good too?
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How does one let go of sadness? I always feel these feelings kinda have to run their course. But changing oneโs focus (or state), can help. Right? โค๏ธ๐ฆ๐
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Sometimes the sadness we feel just fuels negativity in our lives so letting go can be pretty useful. Though at times some sad feelings are just the very memories that keep us focused because we try our very best not to end up in the situations that lead to whatever sadness.
Changing one’s focus definitely helps because it gives you such fresh perspective to explore what makes you happy now. So definitely it helps!
Thanks for reading and commenting, Sheila ๐
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Thank you for writing such a thought-provoking article, Joel. โค๏ธ๐ฆ๐
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My pleasure!
And thank you for your valuable perspective ๐
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Observing the pain and sadness. It makes you recognize that it exists and by facing it, you strip it of its power gradually. You then become more present and give your attention to things that matter, not paying all your attention to the past pain but focus on the next step.
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True. Recognising and accepting what the problem is remains a crucial step that can help us move past the pain and sadness.
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I agree with that, and feel the resonance of it. Beautiful! โค๏ธ๐ฆ๐
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Very deep and oh so profound…I am reading a bit late so I hope you are smiling some now.
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Part of me is in what I wrote so I guess that’s why it’s so deep and profound๐.
I am smiling now thoughโบ. Thanks for asking.
Glad you read and commented๐
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I heard you. Totally loved the word work and careful choice of words… very vulnerable piece you shared! Well done, thank you for sharing (followed link from Phoebeโs blog)
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Yeah. I think it’s vulnerable ’cause I actually experienced this one. I really put my heart into it so thanks for hearing me, Moreblessing๐๐
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Awwh man. Thank you again for sharing. Such bravery. A pleasure to read ๐
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A beautifully profound piece about withholding the tears and then letting them fall; itโs healthy to have a good cry especially for emotions that are buried or inaccessible to analyze at that moment. This describes the conflict perfectly of what someone can go through with bottled up emotions. Fabulous and heartbreaking work.
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I tried my best to lay out the conflict well so I’m pleased you found it perfect.
I wrote this per experience and for me crying was healthy and helped give me a fresh and focused perspective of my future.
Thanks for your sincere comments, Lucy๐. Glad you enjoyed the read.
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Wow…just wow! The sketch & the accompanying post are amazingly deep & accurate.
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Thanks a lot. I’m glad you appreciate the match between my words and the chosen image๐.
Thanks for taking your time to read.
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If we need to shed tears, then it is healthy to let them come. I am glad it was sinewhat beneficial for you.
At times in my life I have experienced what I thought was unbridled sadness. I was unable to break out of the patterns which led me there. Turning to God for hope and direction helped me find a way. It’s a process of ongoing improvement where I fall, but I work each day to stay close to God. I find tears hard to shed, even when they are necessary, but I definitely feel better (mostly) after they are let loose into the world.
Thank you for sharing. ๐
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Truly, it felt beneficial for me to shed some tears. Though for some people it doesn’t work as much. But like you I’m also a believer so I pray to God and read scriptures focusing on what I’m going through and how to move on from that. Overall I personally think if you have to cry (if it will help ), then you shouldn’t stop yourself.
Thanks for your valuable thoughts, Hamish. Peace ๐
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Thank you for your kindness. I shall try to be more in tune with my emotions, and shed tears when they are needed.
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True, pain helps us understand true happiness but too much of everything is dangerous including pain and needs to be checked, balanced.
You should in time let go of it to be able to grow. Just like a cup can only be filled when it’s empty, you should empty the pain and replace it with joy.
This is deep “feelings are Frenchmen seeing โpainโ as bread”
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Exactly the point, Kinge. Letting go in order grow. Harbouring too much sadness without letting it out can become really toxic so it’s best we do our best to replace sadness with some joy in our lives.
Very pleased you understood that line, “feelings are Frenchmen seeing ‘pain’ as bread”. Some people do not know ‘pain’ is French for bread.
Thanks a lot for sharing your valuable thoughts๐
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Welcome Joel. Be well. Peace
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This is beautiful Abakah and speak to our soul…
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Why thank you Miss Faith๐.
As I wrote it I spoke to my own soul so if it spoke to yours as well then truly I’ve achieved a great thing.
Thanks for appreciating the piece and taking time to read ๐
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Don’t throw life away with sadness.
Sadness is fleeting. Life is one.
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Well said, Cherie. And it’s the reason why we have to let it out in order to move on living our lives.
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts ๐
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Wonderful ๐
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Thank you !
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This is such a quality piece of writing – deeply emotive, moving and transcendent even! Blessings to you brother for this remarkable poetic gift you have! ๐๐๐๐๐
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You’re too kind Darell. I’m touched by this appreciation of my work. I’m always glad to share my poetic abilities on this platform๐
Bless you too for reading!
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A great way to vent up emotions!
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Letting go of sad emotions built up in us can create space to fill happier moments. Thanks for stopping by, Nawa!๐
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Agree with you completely. The moment we learn to let go and remove the sadness within, we get life’s zeal back!! My pleasure to be acquainted with you, Joel!โฃโฃ
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The pleasure is all mine!๐
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WOW, this is deep. May God’s peace be with you brother, Amen.
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My experience really brought out the words… perhaps that made it deep.
I really appreciate your compliment… means a lot to me.
Indeed, we all need God’s peace, to live happily each day.
Thanks for stopping by friend! God’s peace be with you as well๐๐
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Thank you
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Sometimes its good to empty the soul of all the tears that are threatening to brim the dam. If not allowed to flow the dam will fracture. My mind feels elated, as if there was a rainbow on the verge that now can soar. Tears are healthy. Sad or happy, we need them to fall. Beautifully expressed. Blessings.
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